It’s not easy being single if what you want is to be in a relationship.
I know exactly how you feel. Ten years ago, I was in your shoes – or at least shoes similar to yours. In my case, I was divorced with two young children. While I was fulfilled in my career as a therapist, I yearned to be in a successful relationship. But I didn’t have a clue how to go about it. My divorce made it clear that I didn’t really know what I wanted and needed in a life partner. And dating? I was terrified.
I came to believe that in order to find someone to share my life with, I first needed to be a successful, fulfilled and happy single.
That knowledge prompted me to work with a relationship coach who took me through the very same program I now use to guide my coaching clients.
The experience was awesome! I learned tons about my patterns in relationships – and how to use my new awareness to recognize and avoid them when they cropped up. I also gained the confidence to pursue one of my passions (swing dancing!), and I started dating. I felt happy, and I had clarity and confidence around the type of life partner I wanted.
In time, I met the man who became my current husband.
Of course I can’t predict what will happen in your life, but I can guarantee that my approach to relationship coaching can help you get clear about your patterns and your desires – as well as help you become more confident that you can have the type of relationship you want.
So…are you ready to work with a relationship coach like me?
From my personal experience – and that of my clients – here are the top 5 signs that you just may be.
1) You want to translate your career success into relationship success.
You know how to get things done. You’re driven, smart, financially successful and professionally fulfilled. You’ve been lauded for your tenacity and persevering spirit. You’re collaborative, passionate, and confident about your skillset.
Then came the day when you woke up and realized that in order to reach your career goals, you inadvertently put your personal life on hold. Or perhaps because succeeding at your job came so much easier than being in a relationship, you consciously turned away from pursuing love.
If you’re looking to find balance between the personal and the professional – and prioritize self-reflection and self-care – you’re a prime candidate for a relationship coaching. The good news is that the traits that have made you such a professional success can be put to work – this time for your personal fulfillment!
2) You’re willing to look at yourself and uncover what is blocking you.
If you’re yearning for a love relationship, but can’t seem to make it happen despite multiple attempts, your willingness to look at what may be blocking you could be the key to making a big shift.
Here are some of the limiting beliefs that may be hampering you:
- I’m not pretty (or thin, smart, young) enough
- I’ve already failed at marriage; no one will want to take a chance on me
- I’m afraid I’ll lose my independence
- I’ll never recover from my painful childhood
If challenging long-held beliefs seems scary, I understand. But in relationship coaching, clients find that coming face-to-face with false beliefs… and being willing to connect and make peace with them…can actually be a gentle, healing process. In fact, authentically feeling our feelings – even painful ones – is often less painful than avoiding them.
3) You’re frustrated by serial dating that goes nowhere.
Are any of these scenarios familiar to you?
- Dating people who are not available for or interested in a long-term relationship – or who only want a sexual relationship
- Relationships that fall apart as soon as the romance starts to wane
- Never really “connecting” with people you date
- Experiencing an endless string of one- or two-month relationships
Sounds like Groundhog Day, doesn’t it?
If you’re a serial dater frustrated by the inevitable highs and lows – you may not be able to identify the reasons behind the self-defeating patterns that cause you to repeat the process with partner after partner.
That’s because growing up, we learn what to look for in a mate from our parents’ relationship. This knowledge is largely unconscious however, and it plays out in our adult relationships again and again. It’s not your fault…it’s what happens to most of us. And most of us – myself included – need objective intervention to see our unconscious patterns for what they are.
Relationship coaching can help make your unconscious patterns conscious, allowing you to become clearer about what you want and what you need in a relationship. When you do that, dating ceases to be a string of disappointing encounters. It becomes more like a buffet, where you have the opportunity to pick and choose from a wide variety of partners who are right for you.
4) You’re tired of being alone.
You’re well aware that being in a relationship isn’t a panacea against ever “feeling” alone. After all, it’s part of the human condition. But that doesn’t mean you want to spend the rest of your life solo.
Being in a healthy relationship gives us someone to share the joys, sorrows, mundane aspects and even the burdens of life. It’s comforting to know that when the going gets rough – your partner has your back. And according to research, being in a relationship can be good for you!
Whether you’re newly single – or have been single for a while – I believe relationship coaching can prepare you to re-enter the dating world, armed with newfound self-knowledge that will keep you learning and growing as you move toward your goal of finding a special person with whom to share your life.
5) You want a partner – and your biological clock is ticking.
This is a very tough position to be in, and I understand you may be feeling afraid you’ll never have the personal fulfillment you’re seeking in coupledom and family life.
One of the first ways relationship coaching can help in this situation is to reduce the pressure you’re putting yourself under. While your choices may be limited – or not exactly how you pictured your life unfolding – they do exist. For example,
- Are you able to freeze your eggs until you find the right partner or decide to have a child on your own?
- Are you open to finding a partner with young children?
- Are you willing to investigate other ways you can express you maternal instincts like fostering or adoption?
Relationship coaching can also help you get clear and conscious about your needs and desires so that you can feel confident asking the tough questions of people you date early on in the process. After all, if you’re clock is ticking, there’s not any time to waste.
Are you ready to work with a relationship coach?
If you have any lingering fears about relationship coaching, it’s perfectly natural. New ventures can feel scary. But the pain of being stuck can actually be a great motivator for change. When we finally get “sick and tired of being sick and tired,” we become willing to do what we once claimed was a no-never endeavor.
In my view, the most positive outcome of relationship coaching is that looking honestly at yourself can help you discover just how powerful you are! Working together, we can make sure your insides (what you believe about yourself) matches your outsides (the persona you present to the world). That kind of internal alignment can make you a confident and attractive partner.